So I’ve hopped on this pony a few times and feel like I have come to a nice groove. I have also noticed several patterns between each wedding, no matter the guests’ age or race, no matter the venue location or time, no matter no matter no matter. But there have been two distinct patterns, two very entertaining patterns, that stick out from all the rest. Can you guess? May I’ll just confess.
People’s reaction to cutting the cake and the garter/bouquet toss, it’s always the same.
CAKE: guests always ask the questions, “When are we going to cut the cake? What kind of cake is it? Can I have a big piece? When are we going to cut the cake? Well, are you sure? Can I have two pieces? When are we going to cut the cake? And the only question I can truly answer is, when? And I usually say, soon. I’m not the one personally cutting the cut or passing it out nor did I bake it. But I know the schedule of events for the night and to keep more questions from coming, soon, usually helps calm the masses.
GARTER/BOUQUET TOSS: This is how it goes, Beyonce’s “Put a ring on it” slowly fades up as the women make their way out to the toss zone, what I like to call the TZ. On the count of three, a blur of flowers sails through the air and the lady dead front magical strapped on her Air Jordans and jumps feet above the rest for the conclusive grand dunk shot that no one had a chance to touch. Even as a guest, I do not will not participate in the bouquet toss. In my teenage years as a wedding guest my reasoning was I had no interest in marriage. Now my reason is, nothing good will come from me getting a bow to the face from one of those Air Jordan wearing girls. Out of my close clique of 4 friends, one got married a few years ago. When the bouquet toss came around, the three of us were drug up to the TZ after resistance proved futile. As the countdown begun, the three delinquents that our parents raised us to be slide off to the side.
Exhibit A and Exhibit B
And no surprise, the most un-athletic girl from our 4 years of college made the dunk. I thought, if only bouquet tossing was a legitimized sport recognized by ESPN, with sponsors and brackets and trophies.
Always always, the DJ announces for the guests to gather and the guys slow poke around to the TZ. Someone will drag a few guys out and then the chosen few call out the other guys absently looking away and avoiding eye contact to come join because, well, it looks like misery loves company. “Single guys, single guys,” the DJ repeats several more times. Once they are all rallied up, the majority single someone out and push him forward to take one for the team and catch the garter so no one else has to. But amusing enough, when something is being thrown at a guy, 9 times out of 10, instinctually he is going to reach up and catch it. Blame it on sports. So it’s flying through the air and someone reaches for it, then curses himself for doing so. Instinct. Happens every time. Your next wedding, watch. I’ll bet my pay check on it and I’m not even a gambling woman.
So. This particular wedding reception for Zinah and Andrew Thursday night began play by play from my above descriptions. Then a mom ushered her young son, like 6 or under young, out to the TZ. One of the groomsman in the front scooped the boy up under the arms. Countdown commence, three..two..one..take off! The groomsman stretches out his arms with the young boy in hand, Simba from Lion King style, and the boy snatches it from the air. The crowd erupts. Once the bouquet and garter have been caught, each catcher comes together to place the garter on. The bouquet slam dunker, a bridesmaid, takes her seat and again the boy’s mom steps forward and tells him what to do pointing at the bridesmaid’s leg. Well, the young boy drops the garter, or more flings it on top of her thigh and proceeds to walk away. His mom tries to explain it again and even takes the garter in both their hands to put it over the bridesmaid’s foot, but nope he wants nothing to do with it. They got it on her foot and he thought he did a job well done. Eventually the mother and son duo got the garter to the bridesmaid’s knee.
By far that was the most entertaining toss I have witnessed. We would love to hear about your laughable garter/bouquet toss moments because after all, sharing is caring and laughter is healing.
Until the next time, straight from the New Girl: the good, the bad, and the honest truth.